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In either case, dads' reactions are likely as universal and emotional as mine: "Damn it, this is my son or daughter, and I will love this child with all my heart for the rest of my life."

A father's way of fulfilling this commitment is often different than a mother's, but it is not of less value or any less intense. It takes shape often through ensuring the material necessities of family life, to provide the resources that will contribute to encouraging their child to be the best that they can be, to protecting their child in every possible way, to
provide adventures and create the magical moments every child needs to thrive, to comfort and care in such a way that their child will know that they are loved forever.

Every day I witness a father's love, in settings that range from the mini-zoo at Waterloo Park to the ringette rinks and ball fields of our neighbourhoods, from teaching their child how to ride a bike to learning to drive a car, from taking their child to the doctor to sitting at their sick child's bedside, from working at difficult and demanding jobs to long hours of overtime and doing undervalued work to put food on the table and provide opportunities for their children.

And yet, 50 per cent of children from separated families - about 40,000 every year - will have a remote relationship with their dad within three years following a family breakdown. Twenty-eight per cent of all Canadian children live their lives without their father's presence. Separation and divorce is now the life crisis that leads to "fatherlessness," and all the negative outcomes for children, parents, grandparents and extended family.

Father's Day is becoming a celebration only for the dwindling intact family, and is obviously not for that 28 per cent of children and fathers who live apart.

Father's Day is a day of reflection for many of us who have lost our dads and grandparents to death, or who have suffered through the experience of a separation. It is about the memories and gifts of life that our fathers provided from our earliest days to their last caring moments.

For this writer, my passion for dads and children is in that connection to my own past and the "what-if" my father or grandfather had died in the world wars, or the "what-if" they had separated from my mother or grandmother?

It's the answer to the "what-if" question that informs us about what our community needs to do to support fathers, children and families.

I recently met a young teen and learned that his parents had separated some seven years earlier. This mom and dad had the wisdom to know that effective parenting following their separation required two involved parents. The young man had an interesting perspective on his parents' choice.

He said he would not act the same way that he acted now - that he'd be different. He said most of the people who meet him said he inherited his dad's personality - so if he acted like his dad when he saw him all the time, he could not imagine how he would be without his dad as a major role model in his life.

It was not easy for these parents to do what they did. It was, however, worth it. Ensuring their child had two engaged, loving parents was the single most important commitment these parents ever made for their son.

In every separation, and in the legal process that currently exists, there is a high risk that the separated father may fade away or eventually disappear from his child's life. Fathers who remain involved daily following a separation know that they were fortunate to have had the resources and personal strength to meet the challenges.

Should a father have to be lucky to remain an involved dad? Do children need to have parents that will make "good choices" at a time when they are probably most angry?

Father's Day is about memories, the gift of being a dad or grandpa, and about our commitment to our children on our first day of being a dad. It should also be about reflection on the "what-if" questions and what our children would be missing if their dad or grandpa were missing.

I know this father only through emails, and the words of his parents. It seems more poignant at this time, with our soldiers in Afghanistan, that he serves in our military. About 10 years ago the family suffered through a separation, and the mother chose to leave the area of the base and moved hundreds of miles away across the country.

Dad had a choice, to leave the military and follow the children wherever she took them, or stay in the military, serve our country and expect that the legal system would lead to a just access agreement. The dad stayed in the military and he became part of the human wreckage of our family saw system. He has seen his children four times in 10 years.

This dad recently wrote to one of his children on their birthday. The card read: I remember on this day when you were born. Daddy cried. I was so happy to have been given a baby. Put your hand to your chest and you will feel me there. Every beat of your heart is my loving you.

Every time a father and child are unnecessarily apart, there is a significant failure in our support network. We have too many failures.

Father's Day is a celebration of what many of us as sons, daughters and grandchildren enjoy. It is about what our dads gave to us.

Unfortunately, it is for too many about the interruption of dad's gifts of caring, pride, energy, perseverance, magic, resiliency and compassion.

A separation makes parenting more challenging, but it does not change the needs of our children to be supported in every way by both of their parents.

Our community has the support services to help families just entering this difficult separation process or to help families restore relationships they have lost through the years.

Father's Day is the perfect opportunity to create new paths to rebuild relationships that have been damaged or ignored for too long. A new start may begin simply with a phone call or an email, or by engaging professional help to meet the challenges of time and distance.

In doing so you will be making a difference for several lifetimes, and Father's Day 2007 will be remembered as a day of personal courage, strength and love.

Barry Lillie of Kitchener is a retired history teacher, and is the facilitator for the support group Kids n' Dads.

Another chance to bash dad

Let's hear it for my Dad

World's Greatest Dad!

S.C.R.U.F.F Manifesto
Society for Cutting and Ripping Up Feminist Fantasies.

Another chance to bash dad

Let's hear it for my Dad

World's Greatest Dad!

S.C.R.U.F.F Manifesto Society for Cutting and Ripping Up Feminist Fantasies.

S.C.R.U.F.F Manifesto
Society for Cutting and Ripping Up Feminist Fantasies.