"Next."
"Good morning. We
want to apply for a marriage license."
"Names?"
"Tim and Jim Jones."
"Jones? Are you related? I see a
resemblance. "
"Yes, we're brothers."
"Brothers? You can't get married."
"Why not? Aren't you giving
marriage licenses to same gender couples?"
"Yes, thousands. But we haven't had
any siblings. That's incest!"
"Incest?" No, we are not gay."
"Not gay? Then why do you want to
get married?"
"For the financial benefits, of
course. And we do love each other.
Besides, we don't have any
other prospects."
"But we're issuing marriage
licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've been denied
equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married
to a woman."
"Wait a minute. A gay man has the
same right to marry a woman as I have.
But just because I'm straight
doesn't mean I want to marry a woman. I want to
marry Jim."
"And I want to marry Tim, Are you
going to discriminate against us just
because we are not gay?"
"All right, all right. I'll give
you your license. Next."
"Hi. We are here to get married."
"Names?"
"John Smith, Jane James, Robert
Green, and June Johnson."
"Who wants to marry whom?"
"We all want to marry each other."
"But there are four of you!"
"That's right. You see, we're all
bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane
loves me and June, June loves
Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me.
All of us getting married together is the only way that we can
express our
sexual preferences in a marital relationship. "
"But we've only been granting
licenses to gay and lesbian couples."
"So you're discriminating against
bisexuals!"
"No, it's just that, well, the
traditional idea of marriage is that it's
just for couples."
"Since when are you standing on
tradition?"
"Well, I mean, you have to draw the
line somewhere."
"Who says? There's no logical
reason to limit marriage to couples. The more the
better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the
constitution guarantees
equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage license!"
"All right, all right. Next."
"Hello, I'd like a marriage license."
"In what names?"
"David Deets."
"And the other man?"
"That's all. I want to marry myself."
"Marry yourself? What do you mean?"
"Well, my psychiatrist says I have
a dual personality, so I want to marry
the two together. Maybe I can
file a joint income-tax return."
"That does it! I quit!! You people
are making a mockery of marriage!!"